Turn down a discount: an annotated email example
Say no to 20% and keep the client.
The situation
Bruce asks for a 20% discount on his yearly oven order. Your margin can't support it. You can offer free delivery and installation, or a 5% discount.
A tough but loyal negotiator. He respects a reasoned no, and likes being offered something.
The winning structure
A good email for this situation includes these elements, in this order:
- A greeting with the recipient's first name.
- A clear no to 20%
- A reason (margin, pricing)
- A counter-offer (delivery or 5%)
- A closing question
- A clear ask at the end: a question or an action with a deadline.
- A short sign-off, then your name.
Common mistakes
- Leaving out a clear no to 20% : « So is it yes or no on my 20%? »
- Leaving out a reason (margin, pricing) : « Why not? Your competitors do it. »
- Leaving out a counter-offer (delivery or 5%) : « So what are you offering instead? »
- Leaving out a closing question : « So that's it, then? »
- A refusal or follow-up so polite it becomes vague: the reader doesn't know how to answer.
- Over-explaining instead of proposing a next step.
Write your own version: the recipient reacts and you get a score out of 100.
The annotated example
Try it yourself first: you'll remember more. Click to show the example.
Hi Bruce,
- Greeting by first name: the reader knows it's for them.
Thank you for your loyalty. We can't offer a 20% discount: our prices are already as tight as they can be.
- Includes: a clear no to 20%.
- Includes: a reason (margin, pricing).
What I can offer is free delivery and installation, or a 5% discount.
- Includes: a counter-offer (delivery or 5%).
Which option would you prefer?
- Clear ask: the reader knows what to do.
Best regards,
Alex
- Short sign-off, then the name.
Why it works : 44 words against a target of 85, 6 words per sentence on average, no filler phrases.