Level 1 · simple request
Prepare a new starter: an annotated email example
Ask IT to get everything ready in time.
The situation
IT SupportIT department
Emma, your new intern, starts on Monday. She'll need a laptop, an email account and CRM access.
An overloaded team that handles requests in order of clarity. A vague request sinks to the bottom of the pile.
Goal
Ask IT to get everything ready in time.
The winning structure
A good email for this situation includes these elements, in this order:
- A greeting with the recipient's first name.
- The person's name
- The date (Monday)
- The laptop
- The email account
- CRM access
- A clear ask at the end: a question or an action with a deadline.
- A short sign-off, then your name.
Common mistakes
- Leaving out the person's name : « Who's this equipment for? »
- Leaving out the date (Monday) : « When is this for? I can't prioritise. »
- Leaving out the laptop : « Does she need a machine or not? »
- Leaving out the email account : « What about her email account? »
- Leaving out cRM access : « Does she need any other access? »
- Opening with padding ("I hope this email finds you well") instead of getting to the point.
- A vague subject line like "Question" or "Request".
Write your own version: the recipient reacts and you get a score out of 100.
The annotated example
Try it yourself first: you'll remember more. Click to show the example.
Subject : New starter Monday (Emma) – laptop & access
Hi team,
- Group greeting: right for a team.
Emma, our new intern, starts on Monday. Could you please set up:
- a laptop
- an email account
- CRM access
- Includes: the person's name.
- Includes: the date (Monday).
- Includes: the laptop.
- Includes: the email account.
- Includes: cRM access.
- Bullet list: readable at a glance.
Please confirm by Friday that everything is ready.
- Clear ask: the reader knows what to do.
Thanks,
Alex
- Short sign-off, then the name.
Why it works : 34 words against a target of 80, 4 words per sentence on average, no filler phrases.