Make amends with a colleague: an annotated email example
Repair things with Camille.
The situation
At the committee, you presented Camille's analysis without naming her. She was upset. You want to apologise, set the record straight with the director, and offer to talk over coffee.
Hurt, she feels her work was taken. She wants sincere recognition and action, not excuses.
The winning structure
A good email for this situation includes these elements, in this order:
- A greeting with the recipient's first name.
- A sincere apology
- The fault acknowledged (no credit)
- Setting it right (telling the director)
- A talk offered (coffee)
- A clear ask at the end: a question or an action with a deadline.
- A short sign-off, then your name.
Common mistakes
- Leaving out a sincere apology : « Not even a sorry? »
- Leaving out the fault acknowledged (no credit) : « Do they even get what hurt me? »
- Leaving out setting it right (telling the director) : « So it just stays like that? »
- Leaving out a talk offered (coffee) : « Are we going to talk about it or not? »
- Getting defensive before acknowledging the problem.
- Sharing bad news with no solution and no next step.
Write your own version: the recipient reacts and you get a score out of 100.
The annotated example
Try it yourself first: you'll remember more. Click to show the example.
Hi Camille,
- Greeting by first name: the reader knows it's for them.
I'm sorry: at the committee I presented your analysis without crediting you. That was wrong, and I understand why you're upset.
- Includes: a sincere apology.
- Includes: the fault acknowledged (no credit).
I'm writing to the director today to set the record straight and credit your work.
- Includes: the fault acknowledged (no credit).
- Includes: setting it right (telling the director).
Would you have a coffee with me tomorrow to talk?
- Includes: a talk offered (coffee).
- Clear ask: the reader knows what to do.
Best,
Alex
- Short sign-off, then the name.
Why it works : 50 words against a target of 95, 7 words per sentence on average, no filler phrases.